


Keep You

by simpleandpure22



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Borussia Dortmund, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-07
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-24 11:50:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2580452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpleandpure22/pseuds/simpleandpure22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the 1-2 defeat against Bayern, Jonas's absence hits Erik more than usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep You

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my second Durmann fic. I love these two so much and there are just so few fics about them :(  
> I tried to make this one lighter than Seeing Red; not sure it works, though, but at least I've tried XD

They lost. Again. Even Erik finds it now hard to remember when the last time they _didn’t_ lose. It feels like ages ago. He takes the defeat personally, like he always does. He feels he should’ve played better, stronger, cleverer. The excuse of him being new in the position as a defender can only last for so long. Soon, people will be harsher on him—if they’re not already. As he joins the others to greet the fans, he can’t help but wonders when their patience on the team—on him—will run out.

Shinji walks past him. Erik’s eyes catch the number on his back, and it doesn’t improve his mood. The number used to belong to someone else. Someone who’s not here. Someone whom he desperately wishes was here.

He averts his gaze from Shinji’s back because seeing the number makes him want to curl in a corner and cry. He needs Jonas, for he makes everything bearable. It’s in times like this that Erik needs him the most. Yet, he’s not here.

Erik also hates that he couldn’t be there when Jonas got injured. Funny, how at the same day he himself had a problem with his thigh and therefore couldn’t play. Did the universe try to tell them something?

He has told himself many times that he shouldn’t be selfish, that this loan is good for Jonas. Sometimes it works, but most of the times it doesn’t. He still wants Jonas around. He feels bad for being selfish, but it doesn’t stop him from wanting Jonas back. Like, right now.

He hasn’t felt better when they get back to the hotel. Matze is not there when Erik enters the room, which makes him breathe in relief. Don’t get him wrong, he likes Matze a lot. The boy’s been a great friend. But he wants someone else to share the room with. Right, he should stop torturing himself with the images of Jonas sitting on his bed, grinning at him. Erik’s getting better at shutting his feelings down lately. He doesn’t know if it’s something he should be proud of.

When he takes his phone from his pocket, he sees that Jonas has sent him a message. Erik hastily clicks the message open.

_Sorry about the defeat. You guys have fought well, especially in the first half. You ok?_

Erik smiles, although he doesn’t feel like it. The message is so Jonas; straightforward and honest, not the man who tells sweet nothings. That’s what Erik likes about him.

_I’m fine. We’ll just have to play better next time._

He sends it. He wants to say so much more, but he doesn’t know how phrase it. Sighing soundly, he throws the phone on his bed and walks out to the balcony, despite the cold. From the half opened balcony door he hears his phone ring. It must be Jonas; he knows that it is Jonas. A part of him yells at him, telling him to pick up the phone. While another part of him stubbornly refuses to.

Erik doesn’t want to hear his voice now. It’ll only emphasise the fact that Jonas is not here. He closes the door and the noise fades.

When Matze comes to the room later he doesn’t ask why Erik looks so glum, instead he talks about everything else but that, doesn’t seem to mind the lack of replies. Erik silently appreciates his friend’s understanding.

Jonas doesn’t call again. Erik doesn’t know if he should feel relieved or not. At some point he nearly gives in and presses Jonas’s number, but he manages to stop himself at the last second. He bites his lower lip, putting his phone in the drawer of the bedside table, shoving it close.

Jonas knew things would not be the same between them when he decided to leave. Distance changes everything, even things that seem unbreakable at the beginning.

_Like love._

***

Erik is home for what merely feels like a minute when his doorbell rings. He mutters his annoyance under his breath. His hand freezes on the door handle as he sees who it is through the peephole. When the doorbell rings again, he takes a deep breath and opens the door.

“Hey,” Jonas says, with a smile.

Erik blinks. For a moment he says nothing, merely staring at Jonas; his breathtaking blue eyes, his grey cap, his smile, and—his crutches.

“What are you doing here?” It sounds ruder than Erik intends to, but seeing Jonas standing there at his door has taken him by surprise.

“Can I answer it inside?” Jonas says, his tone still light. Erik wonders how he can be so calm, when he himself feels both numb and overwhelmed at the same time.

“Sure, sorry,” Erik replies, opening the door wider and stepping to the side, trying not to touch Jonas.

Jonas walks to the living room, sitting down on the sofa, his crutches lie on the floor. Erik tails him nervously, still isn’t sure of what to say. It feels surreal. Yesterday he’d do anything to have Jonas on the pitch with him. Now Jonas is here, and Erik doesn’t know what he should do.

“So, what brings you here?” Erik asks after he sits down next to him, not close enough for their bodies to brush against each other, but close enough to overwhelm Erik’s senses. He doesn’t trust himself to sit closer, for he doesn’t know what he might do.

This time the formality in his voice seems to make Jonas frown. “Erik, what’s wrong? You didn’t answer my phonecall yesterday, and now you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He reaches out to touch Erik’s face, stroking Erik’s cheek with his thumb.

It feels too good, too comforting; Erik can’t allow himself to get used to it _again_. He shifts, making Jonas cock his head, looking puzzled.

“You left,” Erik starts. “Yesterday I needed you so badly, but you weren’t there. Do you expect me to smile now, as if everything is okay? It’s not okay, Jonas. I need you here. You belong here with me—with us. Screw it, I _want_ you here,” he talks so quickly that by the time he’s done he is nearly out of breath.

“But, mate, it’s only for—“

Erik doesn’t let him finish, “A year. Yeah, I know. But for me it’s a long time. A lot of things can change in a year,” he pauses, looking at Jonas. “So can people.”

“Did you mean to say you will fall out of love with me? Or I will with you?” Jonas asks softly.

“We’ll never know, won’t we?” Erik says, lowering his gaze. Jonas’s blue eyes make his heart beat a little faster, and he doesn’t like that. They make him want to close the gap and hug Jonas, feeling the other boy’s body against his own again. Those eyes make Erik feel powerless.

Jonas does what Erik has been wanting to do; he shifts, closing the gap between them, pulling Erik into a hug. Erik lets himself be hugged; it feels so good, so right, like it always is with Jonas. He buries his head in Jonas’s shoulder, as old, familiar feelings begin to rush back.

“Nothing will change the way I feel about you,” Jonas murmurs in his ear, his fingers stroking the hair at the nape of Erik’s neck. “Believe me.”

Instead of replying, Erik pulls slightly away, his lips finding Jonas’s. The kiss isn’t a tender, sweet one. It’s hot, sloppy, needy… It’s Erik trying to convey how much he’s missed Jonas… how much he craves him. From the way Jonas kisses him back, it seems like he’s been feeling the same way. The thought makes Erik feels better. His fingers eagerly pull Jonas’s t-shirt up, the brunet doing the same thing to Erik’s.

And then words become irrelevant.

***

“Jonas?”

“Hmm?” They’re lying in Erik’s bed, and it seems like Jonas is almost falling asleep—while Erik doesn’t feel like sleeping at all.

“You’re staying over, right?” Erik’s voice sounds loud in the stillness of the room.

He feels the brunet stir, and then feels his breath on the side of his face as Jonas snuggles against him. “Of course. Do I look like I can drive? You’ll have to drive me back tomorrow,” Jonas says in his ear, lazily drawing circles on Erik’s chest. Erik can’t really see his face in the dark, but he knows there’s a grin on the brunet’s face.

“How did you come here then?”

“A colleague drove me.”

“How nice of him.” Erik tries to sound neutral, but he guesses he doesn’t because Jonas lets out a chuckle.

“Is it jealousy I hear?” Jonas asks, with teasing tone.

Erik blushes, feeling grateful Jonas can’t see it in the darkness and thus won’t taunt him more. But, again, Erik has always been the obvious one. He’s terrible at hiding what he feels. He doesn’t reply.

Jonas kisses his temple. “He’s just a colleague,” he says reassuringly. “Can we sleep now? I’m kind of tired.”

Erik mumbles a yes, and then a few seconds later says, “Maybe I don’t want to drive you back to Mainz tomorrow. Maybe I want to keep you here.” It’s a joke, yeah, but if he could, he certainly would do anything to keep Jonas here with him.

Erik feels Jonas smile against the side of his face. “I know.” He kisses Erik’s cheek one more time and says goodnight.

Long after Jonas falls asleep, Erik is still awake. He shouldn’t get used to have Jonas sleep beside him, but it’s a hard thing to do. He watches the brunet sleep, listening to his steady breathing. Once again he tells himself that it’s just for a year. Soon, he’ll have Jonas back with him again. Nothing will change between them. Maybe if he keeps telling himself that, he’ll believe it in the end.

Or so he hopes.


End file.
